It has become evident that Create is my word for 2020. I don’t recall doing a “word of the year” thing before but it seemed like a good idea now. Author, guide, and Abbess of the Abbey of the Arts Christine Valters Paintner often asks people for a word they are claiming for the next year. My initial ponderings revolved around hospitality and humility. These central Benedictine values are important to me, and I do want to grower deeper in each of these areas. But, as valuable as they are, I also know that part of why they came to mind is they are areas I feel I fall short and need to improve. For me humility and hospitality are also tinged with shame and inadequacy. Those feelings are good things to talk about with my spiritual director, but perhaps not helpful for me to claim as a focusing idea for the year.
When I left my government job to work at a retreat center I also left behind a good income. One of the wonderful gifts of a good paying job is the freedom to financially support causes and individuals you believe. I really liked this part. Supporting artists, journalists, other individuals and organizations was very meaningful to me. While changing jobs has brought many benefits, my income is less than a third of what it was. This greatly reduces my ability to give away money. I still offer a small monthly gift to one artist, but would love to support several more.
This brings me back to my word of the year. Create. While I can’t support artists with financial support I can support one burgeoning artist with my time and energy. Me. As a Mennonite who had been pondering “humility” as my word of the year, deciding to support myself, rather than others, is a bit of an ethical challenge. It immediately feels self-indulgent. And when I have thought about “self-improvement” in the past it has almost always been in terms of developing my professional self – developing skills and capacities to be a better leader, etc. Developing my ability to create has very little directly to do with myself as a worker, and has more to do simply with my self. By supporting myself as an artist I’m giving myself permission to say no to that weeklong workshop on group facilitation, to say no to one more leadership possibility, to say no to giving money to another deserving artist, and to say yes to developing my creative skills, yes to take time to simply explore, yes to buying that new mic – when money allows.
Returning to guitar a few years back was an important soul-nurturing experience. In the past year photography and video making have become important creative, and soul-nurturing activities. I have given a lot of attention to myself as a worker over the last 20 years, which is appropriate, but my creative leisure-self has been neglected. I mean leisure in the sense of open, meandering, creative exploration. This is not to say I haven’t been playful or creative for 20 years, but that it has been incidental to my more important work.
One of the challenges I face with focusing on creating things involves sharing what I create. On the one hand I believe artist should share their work, or at least don’t withhold it because you don’t think anyone would like it. On the other hand, in the internet world of “likes” and analytics, people’s response or lack of response to creations show us on the screen as very real numbers and can drive creators absolutely neurotic. I already create videos where I think “I don’t know why anyone would want to watch this” as well as “Why isn’t anybody watching this?” I don’t create for affirmation – but …
So, my intention for this new year is to post one new creation on my website each week. I may share more things on my social media accounts but once a week I want share how I’m my living into the word, Create.
